Hi there! It’s been a couple months and I wanted to pop in and give a quick update on life!

I am officially divorced! After one of the most challenging years of my life, that chapter has finally come to a close, and honestly, it’s weird but things have been good….really good.

The process started just over a year ago, but wasn’t finalized until December. Around that time I saw a magnet at Five Below that really resonated with me. It said “the best revenge is a good life” so the past few months I’ve really been focusing on a few key goals:

• prioritizing happiness
• working on self growth
• being intentional about who/what I spend my energy on

So what is it that I’ve been spending my time and energy on these past few months? What are the things I’ve deemed priorities?

Continuing the fight to destigmatize polyamory & ethical non-monogamy

April was “Celebrate Diversity Month” and as the editor of my company’s monthly DEI newsletter, I opened up about the struggles of being closeted and polyamorous at work, and the benefits of fostering a workplace culture of acceptance.

I’ve been continuing to compile research from my study on sex and relationships.

I’ve got a handful of blog posts in the works that should be wrapping up soon here. Topics include:

• medical discrimination towards ENM patients
• attachment theory
• the importance of community
• polyamorous relationship fizzle
• FAQ from monogamous folks
• meeting other polyam folks in the wild
• a look at legality and nondiscrimination
• a year in the life of solo-polyam
• reframing prioritization in hierarchies
• non-monogamy and dating apps
• “cosplay, comics, and compersion” (a panel discussion I submitted to C2E2 that was rejected)
• coming out to family
  • Truthfully I’ve had this one sitting unpublished for a very long time. It’s a story I feel could be helpful to others in a similar situation, but I also struggle with putting the truth out there online, because this was a very painful period of time. My blog is public, my identity is out there, and I have extremely nosey extended family members whose life goal would appear to be causing drama…so…we’ll see if I’m ready to put this one out this year.

If you have a preference of which of these you’d like to see sooner than later, drop a comment below!

Self improvement

Ballet

Towards the end of last year, I ended my 20-year ballet hiatus and started taking adult classes at Joffrey Ballet in Chicago. Rediscovering this long lost passion has brought me immense joy. So much so, that I participated in their 3-day Spring Adult Intensive. It was 3 days of ballet, 8 hours a day. It was both exhilarating, and exhausting. It definitely pushed the limits of the 22 of us who participated, in the best way possible. As a child, dancing, and specifically ballet, played a large role in my body confidence issues that contributed to the eating disorder I developed in college. Being able to reclaim ballet as a plus-size dancer in a judgement free space by world renowned ballet professionals has been life changing.

Voice Lessons

Many of you know I perform in community theatre. As a dancer first, I have always had the mindset that “I am an ensemble girl”. I discovered community theatre in 2019 and was cast in the first show I auditioned for. I had so much fun, I kept auditioning, and I kept being cast. Thinking back to auditions, I always felt I was “okay-enough” in vocal auditions, but the dance audition was where I’d really shine. Last summer, I auditioned for a dream show, Rent. It was the first show I’d auditioned for that didn’t have a dance audition. I was shook. How was I going to “wow” the casting team without a dance audition? Well, the answer was – I didn’t. I wasn’t called back and I wasn’t cast in the show. It was my first ever theatre rejection. After a brief grieving period and with my newfound divorce goal of “self improvement”, I decided to start training my voice and began bi-weekly voice lessons. Within months, my vocal abilities improved significantly, and six months later, I was cast in a show with no dance audition, overcoming my previous challenges. Now, five weeks into rehearsals, I’m amazed to be part of this cast and excited for my first vocal recital this summer, thanks to the support from Alayna and The Vocal Academy.

Health

After 33 years of being plus size and living with a BMI classified as obese, I decided to talk to my doctor about Wegovy, the FDA-approved drug to combat obesity and related health risks. I can’t remember a time when I wasn’t discouraged by my size. I started ballet at 5 and was always the biggest girl in class. In college, I struggled with bulimia and tried various diets like calorie counting and carb cutting, but the weight always came back. A fellow plus-size dancer shared a study with me about leptin, a hormone that regulates appetite, which decreases after weight loss, causing the brain to signal increased feeding and decreased energy expenditure. Wegovy mimics leptin, preventing these signals¹. After six months on Wegovy, I’ve lost 30 pounds, making dancing easier and boosting my energy and confidence.

Intentionality with time and energy

I’m currently in a phase of my life where I’m being extremely intentional about how I spend my time and energy. After 11 years in a relationship with someone who didn’t fully appreciate me or my time, I’ve come to realize the importance of valuing myself and my resources. This experience has led me to a place where I now focus my energy on people and activities that genuinely enrich my life and contribute positively to my well-being. I’m being selective about the relationships I choose to continue, the friends I make time for, and the side projects I’m willing to take on. I’m committed to surrounding myself with individuals who respect and value me, and who bring positivity and growth into my life. This intentionality extends to my activities as well, choosing to engage in pursuits that align with my personal goals and passions.

This new approach has been incredibly rewarding. It’s a continuous journey, but by prioritizing my well-being and being mindful of where I direct my energy, I’m creating a more balanced and fulfilling life.

To wrap up, the beginning of 2024 has been filled with some amazing growth opportunities. I look forward to sharing some of the posts I’ve been writing with you all soon!

Cheers,

Kelsey

Resources:

1. Ahima, R. S. (2008). Revisiting leptin’s role in obesity and weight loss. Journal of Clinical Investigation, 118(7), 2380–2383. NCBI. https://doi.org/10.1172/jci36284 ↩