Love is in the air, especially so for polyamorous folks who may have multiple partners. While to some, Valentine’s Day is just another Hallmark holiday people spend too much money on, I personally love it. Being polyamorous, I love love, and I love being able to share that with multiple partners. To me, Valentine’s Day is a fun day in the gloomy post-new year winter to be able to celebrate love. So how do you make it through a holiday devoted to love, when you have multiple loves, without stressing out (or going broke)?

Communication is Key

One thing I think polyamorous folks do really great is fully understanding that all partners are unique individuals with their own needs. Some people aren’t into Valentine’s Day and some are. As with most things, talking about expectations prior to February 14th will help alleviate any disappointment from popping up if certain partners are expecting to celebrate in a certain way.

It Isn’t About ‘February 14th‘

As you’ll hear me say over and over again, our finite resource is time. February 14th is only 24 hours long, and you’re probably only conscious for 16 of those. If you’re trying to squeeze quality time with multiple people into that time, things may feel rushed. If you practice hierarchical polyamory, you may choose to spend February 14th with your primary, but what about other partners? To me, Valentine’s Day doesn’t have to be limited to the 14th. It’s more about the sentiment and the reason for celebrating. As with all of the other bigger holidays, polyamorous individuals have to navigate how to spend time with each partner and Valentine’s Day is no different. Being non-hierarchical, NP and I usually defer to our partners to figure out our Valentine’s schedules, some of which are in hierarchical relationships with other partners. Flexibility is paramount.

Google Calendar is Our Friend

One of the best tools I’ve found for scheduling partner time is a shareable calendar. (I use google calendar!) I share my calendar with partners and they’re able to see when I’m busy and when I’m available. Valentine’s Day falls on a Monday this year, so the weekend prior acts as a great placeholder for Valentine’s Day dates – although keep in mind that the Superbowl is February 13th which may tie up sporty partners.

It Doesn’t Have to be a Grand Gesture

I’m big into sending cards. I send cards year round for a million various occasions because I love sending my partners and friends little random reminders of how much I appreciate them in my life. Cards are a simple, but great way to send Valentine’s Day sentiments to your partners – I always get a kick out of the cashiers who ring up my multiple cards gushing with love for “husband” and “boyfriends”. However, with cards costing upwards of $8 nowadays, homemade cards are a wonderful option as well. Heck, who remembers celebrating Valentine’s Day in school, buying boxes of valentines to give out to classmates; I think those would be a fun and cute, yet inexpensive way to give valentines to multiple partners.

Make it Personal

Keeping in mind that all of our partners are different, having multiple partners at Valentine’s Day can potentially add some stress. It may not be as simple as buying each partner the same box of chocolates (unless they’re all like me and love heart shaped boxes of chocolates). My advice is to start early so that you can take time to consider each partner. Whatever you do, if your partner’s know it came from your heart, you’re in good shape. Do you know your partner’s love language? For partners whose love language is acts of service, maybe helping your partner with something around the house would be more appreciated than a physical gift. My partners all know that my primary love language is receiving gifts, so this is a big holiday for me in terms of how I feel loved.

Don’t Write-Off Homemade Gifts

While homemade sentiments may be less expensive, the time put into them often makes them mean even more. If you have any artsy skills, consider putting them to use. In the past I’ve made art and homemade chocolate. I once had a partner who made me jewelry – it was incredible.

Meta-MORE Valentines

Sometimes we have metamours we’re extremely close with, maybe you’d like to include them in the celebration too. I once had a metamour who was like one of my closest friends. She and I loved exchanging gifts with each other for birthdays, Christmas, and even Valentine’s Day. (Pro-tip, there are some super cute Valentine’s cards for metamours on Etsy. I ordered one I loved from OurBackPockets)

Relax and Enjoy the Holiday

At the end of the day, Valentine’s Day is about celebrating your love – love for your partner(s) and even love for yourself. Celebrate how you and your partners see fit, it doesn’t have to go along with cultural norms. I find that the worst thing to do is to have expectations about how you want the day to go without communicating them. Let’s face it, your partners aren’t in your head. Expecting them to guess how you want to celebrate is adding unnecessary pressure and will most likely lead to disappointment.

For any solo poly friends out there who aren’t currently in relationships, be sure to give some love to yourself, you deserve it! On Valentine’s Days I was single, I celebrated with the friends I have love for.

This year, I’m looking forward to celebrating Valentine’s Day with several of my partners. I love any time I get to be excited and mushy about my love for the people in my life. I can’t wait to ask my partners in the coming weeks if they’ll “be my valentines” ♡

How do you celebrate Valentine’s Day? Share one of your favorite Valentine’s memories!