“Polyamory Status” and Upcoming Posts

Happy new year! Regardless of what is going on in your life, you made it to today and that’s amazing.

Update on my Life

A while ago, I saw a post from someone in a polyamorous support group questioning if they could call themselves polyamorous despite having none or only one partner. I remember thinking how ridiculous it was – if you’re polyamorous it doesn’t matter how many relationships you’re in currently, it’s that you’re open to and able to have multiple full relationships should the opportunity arise.

Suddenly as I’m going into 2023, I can understand the conflict that person felt. You’ve heard me mention that there are 2 classes of polyamorous folks:

• A) the people identify with polyamory as a chosen relationship style
• B) the people that identify with polyamory as part of their sexual identity

I am in the latter category. So for me, I know in my heart that regardless of the amount of partners I have, be that none, one, two, or ten, I am happiest and feel most fulfilled when I’m able to express my love freely to more than one person. However, with my life where it’s at currently, NP is really my only partner I see on a regular basis. I still have one partner I’d consider a comet, and a couple sugar arrangements, but for the first time in years, I don’t have a partner outside of NP that I’m spending time with several times a week. While a lot of that is due to my current rehearsal schedule impacting my availability (rehearsals Sunday-Thursday from now through next two months), I’ve still been open to adding new connections and I wanted to comment on some of the passive judgement I’ve been getting from the dating scene. When potential matches I’m talking to have asked how many partners I have currently and I mention one, it feels as though I haven’t been taken as seriously as a polyamorous person as I was when I could say “I have two partners I see on a regular basis”. I’ve found myself feeling the need to explain that when I have had regular partners outside of NP, this is what it’s looked like, etc. As if I needed to validate that despite saying I’m polyamorous, I’m truly capable of having multiple full relationships. It leads back to that person’s insecurity about their polyamory “status” revolving around how many partners they had at present, and suddenly I’m able to understand a bit better why they might be questioning it.

I’m not sure what the solution is here. We need to be less judgmental as a whole? Remind ourselves that when seeking new connections with polyamorous folks, the amount of other partners they have doesn’t impact whether or not they’re actually polyamorous? Overall it’s just an interesting observation I’ve made and wanted to include it in my blog as yet another insight to life as a polyamorous person, and as for my “polyamory status”, yes – I remain polyamorous regardless of how many partners I have at present.

Upcoming Posts

A few months ago I put out a poll to see which topics YOU wanted to see most and the number one requested topic was:

Dating Sites for Non-Monogamy

At the time, I was pretty much solely an OKCupid user but using the results from the research survey y’all participated in, you’ve all dabbled with Tinder, Hinge, and Bumble as well. So, to help determine which sites are best for polyamory, I dove into the trenches and downloaded three new apps and have been active on them the past few months. Holy smokes, my experiences have been wild. I’m in the middle of compiling things into an article so be on the lookout for that soon.

Additionally, in the past few months I’ve become aware that I have this habit of putting relationships into boxes pretty early on. Is it a relationship that can develop without limits and become a boyfriend/girlfriend? Is this person not looking for as much regularity? Based on clues and communication in the early stages of relationships, I organize my relationships into categories and then it’s hard for me to evolve them outside of those boxes as time goes on. I believe it’s a form of de-escalation but it’s something I’ve been analyzing more closely, so look for a blog post on this in the near future as well.

I’m excited to get back into the swing of things here and this year I’ve carved out some dedicated time each week to devote to this blog. I’m thankful for you all and the feedback you give that my posts are helpful. I’m excited to see where 2023 will take us and I’m happy you’re along for the ride.

Cheers, XOXO

Kelsey